Here in one location I summarize the material we’ve talked about in this ten-part series on stiff necks and rebellious hearts. If you missed one and would like further explanation, details, and examples of each, you can click below.

Blog series on “stiff necks and rebellious hearts”

You can also see the video from our July 2014 monthly ladies’ gathering (Cultivate) in which I talk about the discipline process. Click here to go to the VIDEO page  on this website.

Here’s a list that summarizes the discipline process. Print it or save it on your phone so that you can easily refer to it and use as your cheat sheet to help guide you as you parent to the heart of your child in ways that brings about a yielded heart. (Remember more detail, explanation, and examples can be found by reading each individual blog post.)

Discipline session summary.

Stiff necks, tense shoulders, facial expressions reveal a rebellious heart.

The purpose of discipline is for restoration of the heart: to God, you, and the offended parties.

Parent to the heart, not simply for the change in the external.  Your tone should be respectful and calm.

Always check your own heart. Is there any part of this “situation” that you need to apologize for? Your tone, words, actions? Confront yourself first. Apologize for what you own. 

Changing behavior involves putting off the sin and in its place putting on the right attitude and action. Focus on the root of the sin.

Restoration process.

Questions to ask your children.

  • What did you do?
    • goal: to “own” his part in the situation
  • Why did you do it?
    • goal: to identify motive of his heart
  • Was it right or wrong?
    • goal: to evaluate his action as wrong
  • Why was it wrong?
    • goal: to identify the root of his behavior, being specific with the condition of the heart and how this hurt the other
  • What will you do the next time?
    • goal: to apply what was just learned to a like scenario needing the correct character qualities
  • To whom do you need to apologize?
    • goal: to specifically identify those hurt by his words or actions
    • when first learning this have him tell you how he will apologize before he does so
  • “I love you.”
    • goal: to affirm your unconditional love.
  • Hug.
    • goal: confirms that hearts are restored.
    • tip: hug until he releases first

Give one command.

  • goal: to give one command to confirm the yielding of the heart (“Hug mama.” or “Now, go pick up your toys.”)
  • if stiff neck or rebellious spirit is still seen this signifies the heart has not changed. The process isn’t complete.
  • Give time. Get alone with God. Ask Him to reveal your blind spots, areas you need to change. Pray asking Holy Spirit for supernatural insight into the heart of your child. When your heart is ready. Go back to your child and talk again, hearing his heart, apologizing for your part in anything Holy Spirit has revealed to you, and then talk through these things again- with the goal being restoration of the heart.


  • goal: for him to immediately go and apologize to each person he has offended, owning his part with no expectation of an apologyin return from the other party
  • example: I know I was wrong for slamming the door. I was disrespectful, mean, selfish. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?)
  • I know I was wrong for (what he owns)
  • I was (list how his actions hurt the other person)
  • I’m sorry.
  • Will you forgive me? 
  • I love you.
  • Hug.

Obedience means obeying right away, all the way, and with a cheerful heart.


The discipline process is successful when hearts are yielded and hearts are restored.

Bringing about the transformation from our stiff necks and rebellious hearts to relaxed necks, softened shoulders, and compliant, obedient hearts is the goal of discipline. Continual restoration in the home means all hearts are safe, each person is respected, and a tone in the home that is peaceful and calm.

Rhonda ifmyBLOGishelpingyou,shareitwithyourfriends.LOVEYOU.  ellis

  1. Kathy Raper

    Love these! So glad you said it’s not too late! I read all 10 today and will reference them MANY times in the near future! Thank you so much for sharing your info with others. You’re a blessing!

    • Go girl! Ten blog posts in one day. That’s impressive. Thanks for sharing with your friends, too.

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